Speculating on success in sculpture?

Wow two posts in less than a year? I must really have something lighting my ass on fire. . .

So hey all my disciples out there! How’s everybody doing? (Hello Cleveland!)

This is a project post– so although my introduction is positive, I assure you it’s only for the forthcoming subjects.

I’ve been working on a pair of steampunk goggles for a very very long time now and am proud to think that I’ve full wrapped my head around the concept I’m looking for. These goggles will have atleast one telescopic eye piece (no easy thing to build from scratch, mind you), so any of the crafts people out there that actually do happen to read this, might have a little better understanding of the difficulty than some others.

On another note, I’ve decided to use all of the money I once received from birthday’s and the like (really any cash I still have kicking around) and put it towards clay and general sculpting supplies. I know what you’re thinking– it’s not really a good use of money, simply because there aren’t many that actually have the skills and/or talent to make this sort of project worthwhile. You’re probably right, but I read something recently that basically boiled down to the idea that people new to sculpting are generally going to suck, and suck for a long time. So to me, that adds a kind of safety net to my confidence- if I know without a doubt that square one is sucking the ass off of a donkey, than the only way to go is up, right?

. . .

One note I will say towards my personal feelings on that last bit. I don’t believe I’ve ever felt like I should be starting at literal square one with most things.

Everything I’ve done or tried before, I’ve always seemed to instantly and seamlessly put myself, and my skill level, up just one notch above beginner– or more than one notch with some things, it was just instinctual. Technology, I’ve always felt I had an inherent skill towards understanding the fundamentals of things. Drawing, I’ve always been able to visualize in my mind exactly what I wanted to create, even if that usually ended in a torturous frustration of not being able to let anyone else see what I had in my mind.

But I have always praised myself and my skills all too much on something with an attitude of, “Shut up baby, I know it.” and tended to begin something entirely new with a kind of bravado I guess, and shoved anyone’s negative opinions or mannerisms to the wayside (positive thoughts tended to me looking at something as finished, particularly in drawings). Sculpting on the other hand is something that, even with all of the research I’ve done, I still will never be able to be anything more than realistic about it.

Maybe my attempts at, and interest in, sculpting will be nothing short of laying all my cards on the table?

Iaminyourveins!

G-nome

Preamble to a better point of view. . .

So listen all, I think this post is going to be pretty depressing- so if you aren’t up for me pouring things out here, you might as well just stop reading right here.

Who am I kidding though, no one has any intention of reading this, my blog hasn’t seen an update in more than a year so why would anyone still be hopeful of me writing anything new now? HA!

Recently I’ve realized how screwed up my life has become... I was just looking through some of the people facebook has deemed I might know, and I noticed all the life successes that are all around me; everyone that I know and could potentially know, has one or more of the three things I noticed I don’t have and, for the most part, are also much younger than I am as well.

I don’t have any sort of successful type of job or anything close to resembling a career, I don’t have any discernible skills or nearly enough knowledge to obtain said job or career, and while I’ve thought about doing trades and Jentrie believes I could, I’ve never viewed myself as having enough energy (among other things) to do something like that.

As well, I’m not married and don’t have anything of the money to get married let alone the confusion of whether I want to spend whatever amount of money on the cultural symbolism I feel is already there.

And lastly but probably most annoyingly, I don’t have any children and have much confusion about that notion as well.

Obviously one thing bleeds into another creating one big clusterfuck; but honestly, recently I feel like a complete and utter failure. If was a rating of where the majority of the masses of people will eventually fall into, and a rating of how one person is doing compared to all of his or her peers, I think right now I wouldn’t even be out of the gate and just realizing it now, after this whole metaphorical horse race was over, like- a month ago.

My whole life I’ve always been behind the eight-ball. Hell, I was three weeks late in being born for Christ sake, but over this entire summer I’ve felt like I’m just realizing the eight-ball has just gotten so far away that it’s- well, it’s just not funny, and now I’m stuck trying to figure out where to go from here, fumbling in the dark like an idiot looking for the goddamn light switch across the room. I’ve always been slower and later than most- ALWAYS, but this is ridiculous, isn’t it?

That last point about children really is something I have mixed feelings about. I don’t know if everyone views it the same way as I do, I’ve always felt it was a kindof culmination of all your life’s achievements up to that particular point. That you should be satisfied enough with your state of being that you would be willing to almost stop progressing in your state of mind for this child or children. I mean, several of my friends and the people I know are starting to have children, and I adore them and the idea that they will experience, or have experienced, the joy that the child will bring them and they will bring the child.

Here’s a conclusion for you!-

I just don’t feel anything more than confused about my life right now. All the ambitions I’ve had are all things that I know without too much doubt just won’t pan out (or frankly, just too long and hard a journey to start now) and are better left to one day become hobbies, but with that said- I don’t know of anything that I would be willing and able to do to get me to think better about where I am right now, what I'm doing, and possibly to become more comfortable with the point in my life.

And without any ideas of where to go from this point, how can I entertain even the possibilities of any of the other ideas?

Iaminyourveins!

G-nome