Preamble to a better point of view. . .

So listen all, I think this post is going to be pretty depressing- so if you aren’t up for me pouring things out here, you might as well just stop reading right here.

Who am I kidding though, no one has any intention of reading this, my blog hasn’t seen an update in more than a year so why would anyone still be hopeful of me writing anything new now? HA!

Recently I’ve realized how screwed up my life has become... I was just looking through some of the people facebook has deemed I might know, and I noticed all the life successes that are all around me; everyone that I know and could potentially know, has one or more of the three things I noticed I don’t have and, for the most part, are also much younger than I am as well.

I don’t have any sort of successful type of job or anything close to resembling a career, I don’t have any discernible skills or nearly enough knowledge to obtain said job or career, and while I’ve thought about doing trades and Jentrie believes I could, I’ve never viewed myself as having enough energy (among other things) to do something like that.

As well, I’m not married and don’t have anything of the money to get married let alone the confusion of whether I want to spend whatever amount of money on the cultural symbolism I feel is already there.

And lastly but probably most annoyingly, I don’t have any children and have much confusion about that notion as well.

Obviously one thing bleeds into another creating one big clusterfuck; but honestly, recently I feel like a complete and utter failure. If was a rating of where the majority of the masses of people will eventually fall into, and a rating of how one person is doing compared to all of his or her peers, I think right now I wouldn’t even be out of the gate and just realizing it now, after this whole metaphorical horse race was over, like- a month ago.

My whole life I’ve always been behind the eight-ball. Hell, I was three weeks late in being born for Christ sake, but over this entire summer I’ve felt like I’m just realizing the eight-ball has just gotten so far away that it’s- well, it’s just not funny, and now I’m stuck trying to figure out where to go from here, fumbling in the dark like an idiot looking for the goddamn light switch across the room. I’ve always been slower and later than most- ALWAYS, but this is ridiculous, isn’t it?

That last point about children really is something I have mixed feelings about. I don’t know if everyone views it the same way as I do, I’ve always felt it was a kindof culmination of all your life’s achievements up to that particular point. That you should be satisfied enough with your state of being that you would be willing to almost stop progressing in your state of mind for this child or children. I mean, several of my friends and the people I know are starting to have children, and I adore them and the idea that they will experience, or have experienced, the joy that the child will bring them and they will bring the child.

Here’s a conclusion for you!-

I just don’t feel anything more than confused about my life right now. All the ambitions I’ve had are all things that I know without too much doubt just won’t pan out (or frankly, just too long and hard a journey to start now) and are better left to one day become hobbies, but with that said- I don’t know of anything that I would be willing and able to do to get me to think better about where I am right now, what I'm doing, and possibly to become more comfortable with the point in my life.

And without any ideas of where to go from this point, how can I entertain even the possibilities of any of the other ideas?

Iaminyourveins!

G-nome

Time Machines, baby. . . Time Machines. . .

Welcome, welcome my humble disciples... I've come once again to deliver the latest thoughts in my mind- thoughts that are also too pressing to keep to myself...

This particular excerpt is to do almost entirely with coming to terms with the choices I made in a specific time in my life, but although not included, also has to do with the impact that those choices may have had on my life today.

I'm speaking of my time in High School. First of all you probably already know what a colossal epic fail it all was, and how I've dealt with it thus far; but if you've read this far I'll ask you to read on, for this is quite different from those previous opinions.

Reasoning Number 1 : I should have gone to a different High School. I'm in no way blaming the teachers, or former fellow students (or placing blame anywhere other than squarely on my own shoulders.)

I feel the way I learn, and have always learnt, never fit with the way I was taught there. It was an academic school and I learn better visually and tactilely. Nothing wrong with either.

Reasoning Number 2 : I should have tried harder. While I was given a very, very long leash to do my assignments (and even had assignments I simply didn't want to do over looked) I quite simply can't sweep away the fact that I was pretentious and presumptuous child who thought he deserved more credit that what the assignments reflected.

Reasoning Number 3 : I should have gone to my graduation. I'm sure many of you would agree with the previous two more than this one, but I have always had my heart strings pulled when I think on or see something that truly embodies the pride of accomplishment, and the applause that's given after completion.

I won't deny it took me approximately seven years to complete High School- but I'll also make the point that it's all the more reason to want that, and that it has since left a large gaping hole in the character that I put forth in everything I do.

Three simple points that, overall, once again was longer than anticipated. . .

Iaminyourveins!

G-nome

Making a hero. . .

Well I return once more to convey my thoughts and wishes to you, my humble flock...

This time, as I believe is appropriate for the revamping of my testament, I plan to showcase the thoughts and creations that stem from my imagination- well, at least more than I did previously...

So after watching a classic of all comic-based-movies, I'm reminded of a hero I have been trying to develop for some years now (and no, it's not the one about the two guys with the robotic armor, or the one about the freedom fighter in the future with the hover board and smart bombs.)

Really, I'm not sure it matters for this particular scripture- I've just always wondered how a hero is really born. Today's heroes always seem to have the requirement of really feeling real, and with that, almost every hero still seems to conform to classical idealistic points of view. Both of these ideas have always had me confused on how to make characters, and heroes in particular, capitulate to each other...

The two concepts fit together in my mind like oil and water- I mean, if I (or most likely anyone of us) were to be, in any manner, given supernatural powers does anyone believe we would not eventually use them for diabolical purposes? Really can anyone blame us if we did?

If I had the choice between robbing banks with impunity or saving kittens from trees and stopping muggers for glory- fuckin' eh I'd rob banks, we all would and anyone who says different is just fooling themselves...

Really I think there is more than one blockage with the matter, everything I just said, and the idea that with superhuman abilities is an entirely different plain of thought- you know, all that with great power and great responsibility crap.

Conclusion, So- what to do about it? Well even a God's head is better with the thoughts of his congregation. All in all, I think this is actually slightly deeper than I initially set it out to be...

Iaminyourveins!

G-nome

Holy Shit!

Hello hello hello... Echo echo echo...

Welcome back into the graces of G-nome... After 4 years, 2 months, 11 days, and 5 hours- Bow Low and Hail G-nome! is back online!

Now to explain the circumstances of your deity's disappearance; as the people of the Internet might remember Blogger was at some point bought by Google have since tried to adjust all the blogs under the Blogger brand to conform with the other branches of Google that require logins... Well there are some things an idol like myself just simply can't change- I, unfortunately, couldn't make a new account under the Google login to post my scripture and have been cut off from doing so- UNTIL NOW!

Yes, you read that correctly- I am back and going to resurrect this tablet back to its former glory and better...

I have (as I'm sure you have as well) had this doctrine as my home page for all these long years in the hopes that one day I and it would be able to return, and now you all can be relieved and elated to hear that this tone sounds once more.

Iaminyourveins!

G-nome

The Sticky Situation Of Trying To Write Again. . .

Well, you loyal apostles out there, as you have probably deciphered from this posts title- I have tried to get back into writing again and already found certain down-falls to actually writing...

This problem came to my attention whilst I was reading over a previous piece that has since been gathering cobwebs and other aging... Well, I tried dusting it off and reading over what I had already written and slowly it dawned on me that certain sentences and even paragraphs where I had been repeating myself over and over again... This once fairly mediocre writing (which is good for me) had quickly come down from a few pages to a few paragraphs- if that...

Well, I suddenly found myself trying to search out the difficulty I was having, and thereby, be on my way to finding some kind of solution...

This is what I have concluded-

The Problem? (probably among many) - Vocabulary...

The Solution? - ?Unknown?

So this is, once again, where I turn my inquiries to the gallery... My audience... So if you please, some constructive suggestions are in order... I need to build on my vocabulary, and quickly if I'm going to be hopeful to attempt to get anywhere...

Iaminyourveins!

G-nome

Problems And Confusion. . .

Evening all you disciples out there...

Well this week has so far not been kind, and it'll probably get worse before it gets better... My parents showed me the bill for my cell phone last weekend, and let's just say that I shouldn't be using it for anything else than emergencies and important calls from now on... Little did I know all long distance calls were 35 cents each and that the plan was also charging for both outgoing calls and incoming calls...

In addition to all of this, since my cell phone is a 905 number I am also being charged for both 416 numbers and other 905 numbers because of my location... I would hope that my parents had considered the charges for long distance calls and knew that I'd be making many of those, but it seems more like the "big selling factor" for them was that they wouldn't be charged for calls from my cell phone to theirs, and vice versa...

Further problems for me during this week are-- two mid-term tests on Wednesday and one tomorrow... I've already had one on Monday...

I knew something like this would happen when I applied for a college program last may (or whatever)... I guess I had hoped that my courses would be more engaging compared to high school courses...

Perhaps "engaging" is not the word I'm looking for...

In either case, I have come to the conclusion that I am simply not fit for a lengthy educational course... Relatively, from my experience with trying to find a job in Cobourg, I don't believe I am "fit" for a job-- or shall we say the job market isn't fit for me...

Frankly speaking, right now I'm confused... Yes, confused and unsure as to what even my near future holds...

All this being said, I guess even a god needs to ask for advice sometimes...

Got any?

Iaminyourveins!

G-nome

Back. . . With A Vengeance?

I have internet! for the time being...

Yes, dearest and loyalist minions I fear I, your most worthy monarch, have neglected you for quite some time… But I must defend myself by stating that this was never my intention… Nevertheless, I have returned unlike other liberators we all know...

For those of you who have not been informed, I am now attending Humber College in Toronto and may or may not have as many postings as I would wish... All I can say on this post is that I’ll post as often as I can (wish) and there’s next to nothing any of us can do to change how much time I allow myself to put towards school and homework...

Well trusty minions, I think that’ll be all for now… I don’t want to spoil you too much...

This is your liberator... Signing off...

Iaminyourveins!

G-nome

The Shining: The Dream

Don't Ever Fall Asleep During A Movie You Genuinely Find Creepy...

Okay, you've probably figured out the movie I was watching by now, but it'll take a little more effort to explain the dream I had...

I came home from Krys's after meeting deb (her dad's wife, as Krys calls her), I didn't mind the night, although I'd rather steer away from spending anymore time with her, Krys was really one of the only things that helped me not strangle her or get into a political debate with her (which would've resulted in the same way, I assure you)... After all, she is perfect proof that my Anti-American point of view isn't just a generalization...

Anyways, so I came home and ate, while my parents went to bed, and Ryan was fed up with his baseball game (yet still left it on!) so he wasn't around either... So after I ate, I turned on ye ol' creep show i.e. "The Shining"... This was about 1 am and I didn't really care what I watched so long as it peeked my interest, and The Shining is one of my favourite scary/creepy movies simply because it actually did creep me out the first time I saw it, instead of laughing at it the way I do with all of the more recent 'scary/creepy' movies...

So yeah, I fell asleep right around the point where Danny is talking with his father when he tries to get his red fire truck toy from his room... It's not one of the creepiest points (probably why I dropped off), but it gives that little 'I'm going to kill you soon' sort of aura to it... Anyways! geez I'm taking a long time...

So, my dream was about Danny and I... We were walking around the hotel and I could see all the blood and bodies that he could but we didn't really pay much attention to them... He refers to me as Mister A'Court just like he does with his Mother when he becomes Tony, and we walk to those stairs where Wendy smacked Jack with the baseball bat, and we look down and there's Jack lying at the bottom of the stairs... And then instantly somehow we're in the giant maze that Danny runs though to get away from Jack and Danny is Danny again (not Tony) and he giggles and runs into the maze... Now this is about the part when everything creeps me out once I woke up and remembered it... So I run after Danny and follow his tracks in the snow and everywhere I turn my head I see Jack... He's either buried in the snow frozen dead, or he's limping around, axe in hand, and yelling at the top of his lungs... Then suddenly we're back inside the hotel and I'm standing over Jacks desk looking down at the pile of paper which usually reads, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." but this time it reads, "All work and no play makes Danny a dull boy." And just like in the movie, I hear a voice say, "How do you like it?" but I don't scream and turn to see Danny standing there and repeat in Tony's voice, "How do you like it?"...

~End~

It's kind of corny, I realize that... but it creeped me out and it took me awhile to go back to sleep this morning... Funny thing is, I got a fairly good idea for a fan-comic sort of thing out of it... LOL How my mind works is strange... very strange...

Iaminyourveins!

G-nome

A Cell Phone And Other Birthday Happenings...

Well, I said once that cell phones and other miscellaneous gadgetry would one day be the end of all man kind, but now like so many of my other opinions this particular one has fallen to the wayside and given way for one simple word; necessity. I guess you could say I've turned to my proverbial dark-side more than once this birthday year.

The Number:(905) 396 4187

And as you can clearly see, I have another newer coming about- my new blog. I hate to refer to the fact that I still do have my old blog, but in terms of turning to the dark sides of things, this particular trick isn't all that new.

~x~x~x~

Yesterday was fun, sort of... I went into town at around 5/6 or so, because my parents had decided as a last minute thing that we'd go out for dinner and if Krys wanted to come with us, she could; and did. We went to Pizza Hut and had a huge meal, Pizza Hut isn't my favourite eatery, but since we went to the Mandarin on Ryan's birthday as a kind of two birds-one stone sort of thing for the both of us, I didn't think we'd be going to anywhere special... Hell, I didn't really think anything was going to happen on my birthday. But I guess I'm glad we did something for it; well, on the day of it... I guess I was kind of expecting any and all celebrations to be going on this weekend, which they are.

Krys got me the cutest wittle dragon still hatching from its shell. It reminds me of a scene from 'Jurassic Park' where the raptor was being born and it had a chunk of shell stuck to its head.

Which brings me to the next issue I wanted to say... Please, please, please, PLEASE! No other dragon sculptures. Krys gave me one to add to my collection, and I'll ask everyone not to get me another for this birthday. The other thing I wanted to ask was- PLEASE! No fireball. I still have that huge thing of fireball that I got at Christmas or something; I think it was either Tara or Michelle that gave it to me. Well in either case I still have it, unopened! Yes that's right, the seal is not broken, and it probably won't be until Hallowe'en or something. Not that I've lost my taste for it, I just think my partying has gone down a bit during this year.

Anyways... BTW, if anyone wishes to confer with me about this weekend you can either try me on MSN or phone me as per usual. So far, I have only a few people coming and not much planned. My thoughts are that we'd(I'd) go out and rent a bunch of movies (/anime if the census is in favour of it.), or there's always my pool (even if the water is slightly opaque, it's still swimmable and perfectly healthy... is 'swimmable' a word?)... Other than those activities, I believe the next best thing is pool (billiards, I mean)... After that, I'm drawing a blank.

Okay, I think this is long enough... for now. Now just spell and grammar check with MS Word... And Publish Post...

P.S. If you find any spelling/grammar errors in any of my future posts, please direct your complaints to Mr. Bill Gates... Not that he'll be able to do much.

Iaminyourveins!

G-nome